Education or marriage. Choose one, because apparently you can’t have both love.

So… Let’s be honest. The number of black female professionals that are single out there is shockingly huge, and it’s growing by the day. Now I say shockingly, because I would have thought that being an educated, Christian black woman would be exactly what the men would want. That being this person who is of a strong character, who contribute bread,intellect and a nurturing character to the table would be a huge hit. Well, the answer seems to be a huge no. It really has got me thinking… Is it the women that are wrong? Or is it the men? Or is it the education system itself that’s to blame?

Let’s start with the obvious argument that is often used, that an educated woman equals a rival. Equals a hothead who will always be opposing all of your ideas. A woman’s place is in the kitchen and nowhere else!I have often been accused of having the traits of someone who will not submit and will refuse to cook and clean for my husband, and all this is said when I simply reveal that part of my hobbies (well, a huge part actually, lol) includes reading. This is also said after I lay down historical facts to contribute to a political or economical discussion I will be having with male colleagues and then that line is used, admittedly in a haha manner, that hmmm, mukadzi akadzidza kudai anokunetsa mumba uyu. Translated to “if you marry such a woman you will be in trouble”, which often ends the debate with everyone laughing, myself included, but really I can’t help but wonder; Is it true that an educated woman equals to an unsubmissive wife?

Now I’m in no way naive, and truth be told yes, I have met a lot of educated, high flying professional women who are downright rude and controlling and think that it’s ok to treat all men like trash simply because they are the top executive of a company. But guess what? I have also met a good number of uneducated housewives who will leave you with such a bad taste in your mouth because of the manner in which they would have treated you. Surely then, money only refines a person’s otherwise already existing character? So let’s say you are downright rude and you think you are God’s gift to earth, surely money and education can only magnify this and not suddenly bring on something that was never there to start off with?

People when we meet for socials are always surprised that I can start a fire, cook on it, serve elders whilst kneeling down, etc. I have been accused of it being an act, an overcompensation of my otherwise dominant character. This has never made sense to me, because this is how I was brought up. These were simple rites of passage for everyone in the family as a good part of our holidays were spent in the rural areas learning a different sort of lifestyle. So all this now left me a little confused. What am I meant to do with these apparently clashing aspects of myself? Society expects me to “forget” certain aspects of myself, to pretend I can no longer do certain ‘blue collar’ jobs because my status is now apparently above that, yet on the flip side be castigated for doing exactly that!

So then, if you are like me,the average woman, I’m sure plenty a time you have wondered. Am I honestly not too much? Yes, men like educated women, but not women who are too educated. Often you are told, go ahead and get a degree love, but make sure you are married first before you go for that masters hey, or else No one will want to touch you. And sad as it is, there is truth to that. The librarian good humoredly said to me the other day, “you know, you need to slow down on your reading, if you ever want to get married ie. Because a lot of guys like you, but have admitted to being intimidated by the number of books they apparently see you read.” So what is a black professional woman meant to do with this? Kill off bits of yourself and settle into what you know does not even begin to scrap your potential? Or continue to soar high like an eagle, living your best life and risk being single for forever?

Thank God for his word, because his word has the answers. My old time favourite is proverbs 31. Each time I read this part of scripture, I close the book really quickly to try and stop the words from convincting me ever so deeply of how little I actually do and how far from being the proverbs 31 woman I actually am. That woman, tjo bakithi! She had a field, which she bought with her own money. She was the first one up each morning, and would give her maids the food they are meant to cook. She was a sales lady. She had wisdom and spoke it. She was a fashionista hey, sewing clothes for her household. She would cook. She would give to the needy. She considers a field, and buys it from her own profits, to plant a vineyard. I mean whoa!!! Talk about a productive educated someone! From economics, to fashion to farming to doing the simple household chores, she was everywhere this woman. And this is the standard that God is calling us to? Whoa!!!

So I shall say this again and again to all the single women out there. Realise your full potential. Become all, and I mean all that God has in store for you to become. Go for that masters, go for that CFO position, go for that consultancy post, write that book. Buy those houses or fields or businesses. For you see, the one true husband, the king of kings, King Jesus, requires this of you. He cheers you right on, and knows and loves and encourages all these different aspects of you. And he shall crown you with an everlasting crown of glory when he comes back, for realizing your full potential. But that said too, dear one of God, remain humble. Carry ye ephesians 5 in your heart that says ‘submit ye one to another out of reverence for Christ Jesus’. Being of a strong character and being educated does not equal to being rude or disrespectful or snobbish. No! Yours is a much higher calling that simply requires you to submit yourself and clothe yourself in meekness and humility. And here is the kicker. There actually are men out there, good, Godly men, who can recognize a proverbs 31 woman when they spot her. Who will absolutely love all that you are; strong, educated, knowledgeable and respectful. Men who will find that absolutely irresistible. So keep on keeping on sunshine, and just remember to continue performing as if you are performing for an audience of one, God.

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