So just coming from sitting for a mock exam. It’s not a secret to say, I don’t examine well. The stress of exams, whilst I may not wear it on my face, I certainly carry it with me in my soul, and I either can’t sleep at all, (spent the last three months last year sleeping an average of 4 hours per night because I just could not initiate nor sustain sleep from stress), or, worse, I sleep way too much, like try a straight 9 hours last night because of the mental fatigue I was feeling. Either of which are not helpful, at all!
Yet as I sat down to partake of that mock exam, mock as it was, the way my body tensed up, and the way I was typing away and concentrating like my life dependent on the outcome of this exam; the first thought that came to mind soon as I was done was how I just did not have time within the exam to think. Either I knew something, or I did not. There was no time to think, try conjure up answers from the magical world of hogwarts or Narnia. Second thought was how important this exam actually was to me. Which leads to what I want to talk about today, preparation.
The old adage holds true, failure to prepare is preparation to fail! Quick question, what are you spending most of your time preparing for? If you are as young as I think most of my readers are, that is, below the age of 50, then surely however you are spending your days is a preparation for the future. If you quickly review how you spend your typical day, what does it look like you are preparing for? What do you invest most of your time doing? I will tell you of one of my worst indulgences, daydreaming! My goodness, I waste so much time day dreaming. Either replaying things from the past, or conjuring up new things from my imagined future, or editing this and that of my life. If only I had said this, or not said that, or done this, or not done that! It steals so much time from me. I could wake up at 5am and spend two hours in my head having done nothing productive save for write or rewrite the script of my life. C. S. Lewis said this about his dad. That his father was always so busy in his head, that he could not learn any new information as a result of all the noise going on up there. That’s me to be honest. And like C. S. said, unless I learn to quieten my mind, no new information shall enter it and therefore no growth will take place.
In the exam, The answers coming to me quickly were of topics I had prepared well for, and funny how soon as you have answered the question and clicked next, you forget about it and move on. The ones I did not get write, I kept kicking myself an hour after, such that my colleague had to remind me that it was just a mock exam, and i still had a month to polish up what I needed to polish up. Somehow my moaning to my cousin led to me telling her about the words that ex boyfriends said to me when we were splitting up. So random right? I know! Yet the human brain is a funny thing. It stores up the most painful words spoken over you, for years, years, and sometimes, you even bury them so deep down you forget how much they cut deep and wounded you. Let me list, for your reading pleasure of course (lol), the words I was gifted with on my break-ups. Bf 1. I was just never attracted to you in that way. Yikes! After 3 whole years of dating! Gees man, Thanks for that! Bf 2. I don’t understand you. I feel like I don’t really know you, at all! Are you an artsy typa person, or are you into science? Fair enough, I’m a little mixed up myself on that. Bf 3. You have too much energy I just can’t keep up with you. You are like a go go go person all the time and it’s a little much. Fair enough, maybe? I don’t know. Point is, the fact that I am able to conjure up under stress, the exact words said to me, some a good ten years later after they were said, show how deep those words cut. How deep the wound was, and how it’s slowly festered underneath all the gunk iv buried it under.
After the exam, I decided to write down what is really important to me, so I focus on that. For starters, it’s really important to me that I pass all my modules and all my exams, so I don’t waste money paying fees for something I in the end don’t obtain. That helped me realize, certain things that seem to matter in this season, actually don’t.. like Netflix cough cough.. Two. It’s important to me that I have a full social life and that I have good relationships, romantic and otherwise, and so, that said, I must make good use of the time I have each day. And whilst I can, I must deal with the wounds on my heart inflicted by previous people, so that my future is free of baggage and ready for what the world has to offer.
So folks, what’s important to you? And what are you doing to attain it? What steps are you taking to ensure you block out that which doesn’t matter, and replace it with that which does matter to you?
Do not be fooled, God is not mocked. For whatever a man sows, that he will surely reap. Galatians 6:7
God bless and may we remain safe in these perilous times. May the souls of the dearly departed from us rest in peace, and may we the ones still living, find comfort, and cherish each day given us.